how I am feeling right now. hm.
I have been blessed and cursed with feeling and thinking way too much for one person. blessed because of the creativity it allows me and cursed because it is a very heavy burden on ones mind. I live in an entire world built in my own head.
escapism. something ive perfected since I was very young.
i have not lived the easiest life. but i would never display it unless for a songs purpose of course. im the exact opposite of someone who would enjoy a pity party for themselves or crave attention by displaying all the trials Ive been through in my short time on this lil planet of many many planets.
but ive perfected living in my head to escape some very harsh realities. picked on to the millionth degree imaginable, abandoned by family, crushed time and time again by my own dreams.
but not now, not this time. music has always been my escape. call it cliche’… but it is. its been my way of dealing with depression. i get written to SO MUCH from you guys dealing with their depression. it almost feels as if I can not speak as an authority on the matter because I am human and still struggle with it myself. I am just like you, i have goals and dreams and I also deal with insecurities and fears and often ask myself, when will it be enough to make it go away???
I still to this day deal with the harshness of it all. my most recent lesson of life is, the higher I climb, the harder people will go out of their way to see me fall.
I have no filter and I can only call it like I see it.
the point of this mind vomit I suppose to let you know, I may not be the perfect teacher in life lessons BUT I can say without a doubt, I understand where all of you come from on many many deep levels. And as much as I am written to and thanked for helping ….YOU help ME just as much.
You dont even realize it, but those of you out there who support New Years Day and myself,save me daily.
I dont forget you are out there. And it is YOU that keep me going. Keep me crawling out of bed everyday to try and believe in an impossibility. You are there to listen, and you dont even realize that you are doing it while you listen to my issues and struggles just by listening to a song Ive written.
So here I am, just a girl, with problems, like everyone else, and I thank YOU for being there in the thick of it with me.